if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
