I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I fill condoms, not promises.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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