I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Randomize
