I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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