OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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