Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
