Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
