I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
