what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
