This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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