He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
