Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Randomize