in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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