is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
