just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
