I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Is this like a preordered booty call?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Randomize
