So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize