I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
