There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
