I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
It was a blind-side dick pic.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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