Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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