i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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