The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
