hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Randomize
