i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
