Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
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