Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
