Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
