put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
