Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
