fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
