It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
