We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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