The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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