I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
