i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
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