I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Randomize
