cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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