Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
