I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
