His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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