so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize