just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize