Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
