I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
