I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
