Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
