Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Randomize
