i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
i've created a new STD.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
