I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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