Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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