i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
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