Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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