I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
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