Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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