Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
