whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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