butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Randomize
