Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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