Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Randomize
