she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
i now understand why vodka
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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