im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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