At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
