I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
