she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
