For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
