I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
he fucked my hip out of place.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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